#5 PPD: Getting Back to Me by A Guest Mama Writer

“Understanding that you are not as strong as you think. Experiencing a life that you knew in a new point of view. Feeling helpless and alone in your emotions. Loving the life that you birthed, but scared to bestow any of these emotions onto this living being. Not being able to recognize the person in the mirror that you now see. Realizing that this is the new you and embracing the changes. Trying to understand that all of the changes are natural and hormones are all a part of the process. Being pregnant and not realizing how much having a baby can impact your life as a whole.  Feeling as though no one can ever understand what you just went through and what you continue to go through.”

 

These are the thoughts that are in the mind of someone suffering from PPD. As a first time mother, I had to accept the fact that I was struggling and needed help. My turning point came when, after two months of trying to breastfeed, my doctor told me to stop in order to keep my sanity. I stressed over not being able to feed my baby. While being pregnant I read many expecting baby books that tell you breastfeeding is the best way to provide nourishment to your baby. Trying to get your baby to bond with you through latching was the most difficult task that I have ever encountered. At one point in time I just sat and cried for hours because I felt useless. “If I can’t feed my baby, then what am I good for?” I found myself playing this mental game with myself. I constantly told myself that it’s okay and I am fine. I would go out for walks and start workout videos to try to reduce my depression. One week I would be fine and the next week I would find myself under blankets in a dark room.

I share and speak my truth with the hopes that someone will read and accept that they might have PPD. If you believe that you do, get help. I am a confident and successful mother telling you that it can happen to anyone. Take the first step back to you.

-Shay

#4 My Advice Regarding Advice

It's Week 8!! 

It goes without saying, family, friends and coworkers will give their unsolicited advice and instructions about your pregnancy and child rearing. (However, I was not ready for the strange lady in the parking lot.)  I knew I was ill equipped and that's why God made mamas, especially mine. She stayed with my family 46 days, teaching me the ropes. 

Back to this advice - I'd like to think I was accepting and at least listened to them. BUT some people take it a bit too far. The people I expected advice from, said nothing, and those - in many cases I didn't even know - had lots to say!

My most favorite moment of pregnancy was this older lady who ran across the parking lot to tell me I was too big and to stop eating. I was 5 months pregnant and I can honestly say I hadn't gained more than 10 to 12 lbs. I looked and felt great, most of all, my doctor was very happy with my progress. Apparently, just not up to her standards. 

We've  heard everything from he shouldn't be sleeping that much to don't let him sleep in your bed to he needs to get sick early on. Oh, and my favorite, let him smell your armpit, he'll be smart. AND I had no idea that there were breastfeeding gangs (just two different schools of thought) out there. If you even hesitate about what you choose to do, there is a lecture to follow. Initially, I wanted to breastfeed, but once I got started, honey, my Mama and husband suggested I take a break. So, when I decided to stop - people were appalled that I had stopped. I was just on your team, we just did chest bumps 3 months ago, now I'm on "that" list. 

When I think about it, it's really all in love. Everyone is giving their advice, solicited or not, because they want the best for me and my mini. When I think about it this way, I really don't mind the advice. 

For the next pregnant lady you encounter, tailor your advice based on the level of your relationship with her. It's a good rule of thumb, if you don't know her and have to run across a parking lot to stop her BECAUSE you don't know her name - don't say anything regarding her pregnancy!

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#3 REALLY?!

My thoughts were all over the place, so I went with it. This week is a mash-up of some of the "stuff" I have encountered during my first five weeks postpartum. Bare with me as I cleanse my "Drafts".

A few random things:

1. I considered hurting my hubby because he was asleep. He was sleeping so good and snoring so loudly, I was jealous. I wanted that sleep and I was upset that he had the nerve to think it was okay to do it in front of me. I had to remind myself that he had worked a 10-12 hour shift and deserved his sleep.
2. I can't stand him. My hubby must always overachieve when he is at home with our bundle. He has to not only care for the lil' one, but cook, clean and change his truck's oil with the bundle strapped to his chest, not really on that last one, but he would if he could (CP, that was for you). He's pretty awesome! 
3. Beware of congratulations! During my first two weeks postpartum, I had two women congratulate me! I was excited, then confused. How did they know I had a baby, he wasn't with me? Oh wait! They mean congrats on my pregnancy! Really?! After losing 24 pounds, I still look pregnant. This mess just ain't right! PSA, women and men alike: NEVER congratulate a woman on her pregnancy unless she just told you, she was pregnant. You can thank me later! 
4. A&D ointment is for tattoos. AND babies?! My mama shook her head at our tube of Destin for diaper rash. She highly suggested A&D ointment for babies. I thought it was for tattoos. This was true, but it was also used for the prevention of diaper rash. Go figure! Don't judge me! In my defense, my only interaction with this product had to do with fresh tattoos. By the way, it's nothing short of amazing!

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Mama News: Every fourth Thursday of the month, a guest mama writer will blog about a topic based on her experience.  

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#2 Qualifying Status Change

My insurance company calls my bundle of joy's birth a "Qualifying Status Change". It allots 30 days to add them to my health policy. Qualifying. Status. Change. Um, yeah! More like Life-Will-Never-Be-the-Same Change. Yes, I understood my life would never be the same once we decided to try for a "little one", but did I completely understand the depth of the status change or my emotions and body would undergo? NO.

Somehow, I found the time to torture myself with questions about my ability to do this and how do I get back to me. (At this point, there was no turning back.) Once my bundle arrived, the definition of "me" changed immediately, no, abruptly. Truth be told, this new mama had a tough time adjusting. Taking on breastfeeding, pumping, sleep (what, sleep?), showering, oh, and occasionally eating was a massive undertaking to one hormonal, sleep deprived Poarchè. Yep! I know. I am not the first and won't be the last, but this is my story, my truth. 

I found myself looking forward to showering, so I could just have a moment to myself AND massage the heavy, painful bricks my chest had become. I had high regard for my shower and still do. It became the place I reclaimed my sanity and regained my strength to lose both all over again. Books, Google, an Auntie, co-workers, and not even my own Mama could prepare me for this unique experience. Nothing short of experiencing pregnancy and motherhood can prepare you for pregnancy and motherhood. I better understand the concept of siblings now.

This special rite of passage and induction into the sisterhood of motherhood (thanks for the add R. Grainger) has been a qualifying status change. As I close out this 6th week of motherhood today, I realize my bundle is my life's greatest accomplishment. Pregnancy, labor and delivery were qualifying milestones along the way. I survived them, and that means I can survive anything. I created, grew and delivered life. 

Mama, now I get it. Words cannot express how much I appreciate your sacrifice, your love, and the support you provide to myself and sister. I must extend my greatest, deepest air "high five" (ya'll know I'm corny :-)) to all mothers - young, single, working wives and housewives (some can check more than one box) - because I did not understand the warrior in each of you. Each group has a different set of challenges, but somehow ladies, you get up, get it done and repeat everyday.

Shout out to my hubby and my village! Thanks for the push - I'm flying now.