“Understanding that you are not as strong as you think. Experiencing a life that you knew in a new point of view. Feeling helpless and alone in your emotions. Loving the life that you birthed, but scared to bestow any of these emotions onto this living being. Not being able to recognize the person in the mirror that you now see. Realizing that this is the new you and embracing the changes. Trying to understand that all of the changes are natural and hormones are all a part of the process. Being pregnant and not realizing how much having a baby can impact your life as a whole. Feeling as though no one can ever understand what you just went through and what you continue to go through.”
These are the thoughts that are in the mind of someone suffering from PPD. As a first time mother, I had to accept the fact that I was struggling and needed help. My turning point came when, after two months of trying to breastfeed, my doctor told me to stop in order to keep my sanity. I stressed over not being able to feed my baby. While being pregnant I read many expecting baby books that tell you breastfeeding is the best way to provide nourishment to your baby. Trying to get your baby to bond with you through latching was the most difficult task that I have ever encountered. At one point in time I just sat and cried for hours because I felt useless. “If I can’t feed my baby, then what am I good for?” I found myself playing this mental game with myself. I constantly told myself that it’s okay and I am fine. I would go out for walks and start workout videos to try to reduce my depression. One week I would be fine and the next week I would find myself under blankets in a dark room.
I share and speak my truth with the hopes that someone will read and accept that they might have PPD. If you believe that you do, get help. I am a confident and successful mother telling you that it can happen to anyone. Take the first step back to you.
-Shay
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